Jana came running back as soon as she heard what unfolded that morning. Mum and cuz Sulo got back from the hospital. An uncomfortable silence kept the room still. We each avoided eye contact. Thangamma served the food for us and served her plate too and sat down with a heave. I am not sure where the food came from either. I cant remember anyone cooking. Maybe it was left overs. We all ate in silence. Even Jana was quiet. She is never quiet. But tonight she was.
What now, another surgery I guess. After dinner Jana and I went to see our cousin Sulo to get some medical know how. I don’t even know who suggested and came up with idea. Cuz Sulo’s house felt heavy too. She never stops singing or humming. But tonight she was all done. We asked her what now? another surgery? She shook her head, “I don’t really know, It may be too close for another surgery”. I think she knew, just that she didn’t really want to know.
I don’t know how long we were there for, and what we spoke about. I think we all just sat in three different chairs and pondered to our selves. We both got back home and went to bed straight away. Jana slept on the next bed. Mum and Thangamma were in the next room. My memory is rather foggy, I can’t even be sure if Thangamma was there that night or for that matter in the morning or had she returned to TRI a couple of days ago. But I know for sure that Jana was right next to me.
I had issues with the clock and sheep the whole night. Sheep kept multiplying and the clock refused to move. I think mum had the same problem in the next room. By five o’clock we both gave up on sleep and sheep, and got to the kitchen the same time. We made our coffees and sat down to discuss what to take for dad. Usually mum would pack fresh clothes and some home cooked food for dad. Velu stayed the night with him. But on this day, we didn’t know what to pack.
We hear Parames Mami’s voice. I think she was relieved to see lights switched on in our house indicating we were up. She never visits us this early.
It’s Dad’s birthday tomorrow. I so, don’t want to continue any further. But I think I ought to. Just because I suppress the memory, it doesn’t mean, that it doesn’t exist or it didn’t occur. I turned fifty this year. I guess I am big girl now. But in my heart I am still daddy’s little girl.
Parames Mami didn’t have to say anything, she just held her arms wide to hug mum, and mum and I started to weep. It’s all a blur after that.
Dad never got to see my funny birthday card. Dad didn’t get a chance to approve (or disapprove) Ganesh. Although I have a feeling he knew something. He did mention to me once, quite randomly, “Ganesh is a nice boy isn’t he?”. I really like to think he did and he was happy for me. More than anything, Dad never got to meet his two amazing grand kids and vice versa. I have in time learnt to accept it as, “it’s fate”, “it was not meant to be”.In actual fact, it is just chants copied from others as a coping mechanism.
All this from start to finish, was just sixteen days. The clock was ticking and turning a day at a time. Each day with a twist, turn and at times with another nail for the box. We had no idea, that the clock was still ticking. Even when we thought that it had stopped and time had stood still, it was really still ticking.
This story has no happy ending. But, I guess that is life, it doesn’t always give you the results you demand or deserve. We just have to remember the ticking clock stops for no one, make the most of life while it’s still ticking.
Uma's life and thoughts 
So moving-the whole experience of this story. The planet lost a beautiful human in your dad. I can not say more just now.
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Thank you for being there for the journey
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Dearest Uma,
Your story, journey are deeply moving. Your father must be looking down on you with pride and great Love. I have no doubt that he is with you … with every step.
~ Geysha ~
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Thank you dear geysha. I use writing as mode of healing. I do feel his presence. Thank you darling and tc
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I didn’t want to read this chapter al all. How ever, I forced myself. In my messages I wrote that my mother told me the demise of Rasan Mama abruptly, and how much I grieved.
You avoided writing about Rasan mama’s death and simply wrote Dad will not be there anymore to read my funny Birthday cards. You are not yet ready to accept it. Well, I can under stand that.
If it is not too much for you, could you please let me know when Rasan mama died. Was it on his birthday?
You are very funny Uma. You are still wondering whether your father would have approved Ganesh or not. I have seen Ganesh many times, but I don’t know whether I talked to him or not. So I don’t know his personality.
It may look bit strange for a girl brought up among scientists and PhD holders to choose a simple man. When I refer Ganesh as a “simple man”, it doesn’t mean he is illiterate or zero knowledge creature. He might have excellent and versatile knowledge in his field, but not in the field you were brought up.
You wrote it was love at first sight. It may look a lot different from partner selection or sexual selection or gene pool selection. These may work well when human were in primitive stage. Say, there is a bunch of people lives in a remote island and a man manages to reach there crossing the oceans, mountains and thick jungles. They may think he is the strongest and wish to pinch as much gene pool from him.
We are living in a well-advanced world. Our feelings are very complex and it is not the survival of the fittest level. They say we start to develop a personality figure from the experiences we had in our life. Then suddenly you see a person who fits into that personality features you fall in love instantly. People have biased memories and essentially create the illusion of having fall for each other instantly.
How ever, it worked very well for you. It is not necessary for you to worry about your father’s approval because it was your destiny to marry Ganesh. You lost the most important man in your life, but on the other hand you gained the other most important man in your life. You were not left empty handed. You must be thankful.
Well done, it was a good closure.
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Thank you once again for your in-depth analysis and critique. Dad passed away a few weeks before his birthday. He passed away on the 6th of August and his birthday is on the 23rd of August. Yes, Ganesh doesn’t hold a Phd. Like my dad would joke about it the “abcd”. Yes I did grow up with a lot of intellectuals but in dad’s opinion just because you have a piece of paper it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are a genius. Especially in our country. Ganesh doesn’t have the right paper work but he is rather knowledgeable and very good in most of the sciences. And extremely well read. I don’t think ours was exactly love at first sight. It was more like a friendship that grew into something more. If you read my one page on the “dandelion guy” you will get more understanding 😊
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