Family, Cultural beliefs, Political decisions, Relationships, Social Fairness, Inspiration, Religious (alternate) views, Agnostic Views, Humour and Just Random Thoughts. So watch out for some fireworks laced with humour
Romantic walks along the beach, holding hands and gazing into each other’s eyes, candlelit dinners with clinking wine glasses, surprising with flowers on random days, being protective, defending his girl in front of family and friends, rushing through when he hears that his girl has been an accident or unwell, check on the girl, forget the car or the insurance …… Oh! I love K Dramas … 😊
I remember our early years of marriage; everything was seen through rose coloured glasses. All his tales sounded so fascinating. He was just so suave and talented. Whatever, he was not good at, was endearing “oh he is so bad at cooking Hee! Hee! Hee”
As time goes by you are aware of the tinted glasses. Not everything is endearing. Some of them are darn right irritating. But as time goes by, you also learn to take the good with the bad, your relationship has also now progressed enough to call out the BS.
In the last 38 years we have stood by each other – in good times and hard times, we learnt to share the troubles. We have both got older, our bodies are now showing signs of wear and tear.
Still, there is romance. I do assist him to take off of his clothing – his Socks – the poor man can’t bend down after a long session on the ships. The romance is not in undoing the undergarment but more to assist with hooking it on, cold days plays havoc with my broken shoulder.
Even after 38 years we are still learning and testing each other’s boundaries. I am ok to be the designated driver. But he knows that I won’t tolerate a blotto. I don’t involve him in my Shoe Research. Sometimes I feel that I could extend my knowledge to his collection. But I am learning about losing battles vs wining the war. But he definitely tests me when he splutters all over the bathroom mirror and then tries to hide it by wiping it down with the sponge.
YES! THE WATER MARK IS LOUD AND CLEAR.
I think that is the biggest lesson we need to learn to withstand a long marriage. There’s going to be smudges and splutters. Don’t just wipe over it. Address it just as you would, when cleaning the mirror. Do whatever it takes, clean it until the marks are gone.
In simple terms for husbands – Apologise, Apologise, Apologise. AND DON’T DO IT AGAIN!!!
But on a serious note, my partner in crime is a solid guy. Who has been part of my life travels– studies, career, making beautiful kids in sickness and in health
You learn that rivers and mountains are of the same landscape. So is sun rises and sun sets. You learn to respect all the elements of this landscape. Bridges can become your selling point or your weakness. Build it strong and keep it stronger, it will serve you well.
Anyway, I think I am giving you another chance MR Ganesan, but know that you are on notice.
How did we get here… a day at a time. But each day was different. Some days, we were skiing down the Swiss Alps and the other days we were climbing Mt Everest. We dodged many avalanches on our way here. But we made it – together.
Was it all love. Oh, bloody hell, it better be, why would anyone put up with so much, if it was not for love?
At present my man is working to the bone in Geelong saving the planet and building our bank . And I am in Adelaide some 700km’s away. Hopefully see him at the end of the month. So, our anniversary outing has to be postponed. Such is life. In the last 37 years I have waited for more important things …
My man, eating healthy food and joining me at the gym… still waiting … pigs aren’t flying yet
My man being punctual … mmm, the pigs are still in their pen
My man being politically correct at parties and functions …. Here’s hoping that he will at his son’s wedding
My man throwing away all the clothes that annoy me and getting a new set of clothes…
My man not irritating me within two minutes of coming home…
My man actually GROWING UP!!! ….those darn pigs are staying put.
If I am still waiting for the above to happen, then really, I have not learnt anything in the last 37 years. I think this is what’s called unconditional love
– or stupidity.
I met him when I was barely 19 and got married at 21. It sure has been one wild ride.
Although it’s a day to talk about love, I would also like to include the word “grateful”.
I think our greatest achievement in this married life, is our two kids. We are really grateful that we were blessed with two beautiful humans as our kids.
We are grateful for their achievements.
We are more than grateful that our family has dodged the many bullets that kept coming our way.
We are grateful for all the blessings and support we receive from our kith and kin. I like to elaborate on this, we are both so lucky to have some of the most amazing relatives whose care is genuine and sincere.
We are grateful that we are both rich with great friends.
Our union is so much more, than just the two of us.
We will be celebrating our eldest son’s wedding very soon and busy with the preps at present. We are so grateful, that we are blessed enough to witness this budding young union.
I am truly grateful to my partner in crime for the last 37 years.
On a side note – what would be the moral of this story. “Leave the wayside dandelions alone”. They bring nothing but trouble.
Three cheers to my “Trouble”, we did it. Thank you for the last 37 years. Remember I am still waiting. Still love you loads and missing you like crazy.
Australia wins the Ashes. Travis Head is awarded “Player of the match”. It is normal for us to give all the credit to the individual batsman for the victory, however there was more than one reason, more than one player for this victory. Great bowling, fielding and unnoticed to the world an army of other individuals worked tirelessly behind the scenes to make the team win. The coaches, the Physios, doctors and even the groundsmen play a role. But ultimately the responsibility and commitment are shouldered by two individuals at the crease for the win. Your best bowlers can bowl the opposition out, but your batsmen have to score runs, for your best batsman to perform he needs someone at the other end to keep scoring. He needs a solid partner.
He/she needs someone willing to stay out in the middle facing all the elements and weathering the storm together.
Amidst all this, the universe rejoices another partnership milestone.
YES, The Ganesan’s – Uma and Ganesh notch a 35 not out partnership.
Thirty-Five years ago, they made it official to the world that they are in love and wanted to start a life together. Well, it wasn’t entirely their decision when it came to setting the date for the wedding. They would have preferred a date a bit later at least with a lead time of more than two weeks to organise this event. But, as per the Sri Lankan tradition your wedding isn’t entirely your business, it was a whole family business.
It was almost a shot gun wedding – no I was not pregnant.
Ganesh suddenly returned from the UK earlier than expected. This immediately raised the curiosity of the family to ask when we were getting married. My mum was okay to leave that decision to me. However, as my dad had passed away only a few years ago and it was an un-manned household, our voices were drowned. However, the plea from my cousin Sulochana was what finally made us to go along with this rushed wedding.
Cuz Sulo was the one who first broke the news and got permission from both parents on our behalf. Proposed marriages were still the norm at that time. Announcing that you have made your own choice could get you into hot water. But luckily both our parents were happy with our choices.
Cuz Sulo (Sulo akka) was migrating to Australia the next month. She was there when I was born and to every other milestone of my life. Then when my father fell ill, she was there from accompanying him on the ambulance, to the end. She even allowed his funeral to be held in her house. So, when she asked us teary eyed “I would like to see you two getting married” we just couldn’t refuse. We both cried and said OK. We had both lost a parent, the lesson – life and time was precious was hard wired, we may not have all the loved ones that we want at our wedding if we delay it crossed our minds. So gave in to this crazy idea.
For the new age thinking the marriage should be about the two of us and we should decide etc etc, yes, that’s exactly how I felt 35 years ago, when the whole planning of the wedding was hijacked from me. With age and experience I think my ideas and ideals have changed a bit. In the last 35 years we have weathered some storms, some worse than the other. But amongst all that there was some splendid display of great batting. Time to time the unorthodox Batsman would be summoned to the middle of crease for a small talk. But to his credit he would listen to his partner and continue with his good form. But the beauty of the partnership was that they took turns, rotated the scoring. For an unorthodox batsman he knew when to drop his flamboyancy and be there for his partner. Whispers in my ears “we’ve got this” – no this man has no idea how to whisper, if so, it would be a whisper that could be heard by the neighbours, so unpoetic it may be but a stern bellow “we got this” maybe an added “don’t be silly”. So the batting continued.
As two veteran batsmen on the crease we were doing a fabulous job. However, we couldn’t have got through all the curve balls and bouncers without the abundant love and support from our big family/clan.
It was chaotic to say the least to prepare a wedding in two weeks with your entire family and neighbourhood involved. All the wedding halls were booked out but that didn’t faze my cousin Sulo, she opened up her house without a single moment of hesitation.
I have always thought that it wasn’t a perfect wedding. I could have/would have changed so many things, the venue, the décor, the flowers, the amount of jewellery, my make up the list goes on. Unable to go through the old album to prepare something for this anniversary (due to my injury), I thought I will edit our wedding video. Looking through the video after so many years I realise, that it was the most perfect wedding. Yes, the venue, deco, jewellery and make up were all wrong. But, does it really matter?
It was an era where the Hindu bride was meant to bow down to the earth and look sombre and pious. In this video, I notice that the bride and groom in spite of the big audience they seem to be in their own bubble having their own fun and laughter. That wouldn’t have been possible without the said man standing next to me.
I always thought it was a shambles of a wedding and a-not-so bad marriage, room for improvement – well sometimes a whole renovation was needed.
But I am ashamed to say that it has taken me 35 years to realise that it was indeed the perfect wedding for a perfect couple. It was a gift prepared for them by their loving family. I didn’t have my dad to give me away but the whole village made sure the job got done. To my big crazy family and friends, THANK YOU.
In this partnership many would think that I was the better batsman (batsman/woman whatever), maybe so for most part. Keeping with the cricket theme – yes Ricky Ponting played on with a broken jaw and that was a great feat indeed. But how could he not? He had to do it for the team and furthermore he had faith in the team. Him at the crease gave them the best chance and as he said, “it was worth it”.
I gave the promise “in sickness and in health” a good test. Opted to take the revolving door to the hospital year after year. Thank you, Ganesh, for walking through that door with me each time. You gave me the courage and a reason to fight it. Yes, I did it for the kids too. The kids were your gift to me and I will do anything to protect those precious gifts.
I think we have a lot more runs left in us. However, point of difference – in Cricket you have the option to form a new partnership. Sorry mate you’re it for me and not giving you that option either. So, pad up and let’s keep going.
The Video
As I couldn’t lift the big old photo albums, I decided to edit our wedding video. I have never taken any interest in doing such things in the past, always palmed it off to my kids such projects. This is my very first attempt and again using my broken shoulder as an excuse asking forgiveness for the roughness of the editing. But keep in my mind it was a 3-hr video which I have managed to cut it to about 5 minutes or so. That was not an easy task. The videography itself is pretty archaic – its like watching through an old bond movie with the really bad special effects. If you can stomach it try and watch till the end, a bit of comedy awaits.
For the non-Hindu audience – short explanations on some of the traditions
Lighting of the lamp – All events and celebrations start with lighting this particular style lamp.
Alarthi – Two women (mature women – ideally someone already married etc) hold a tray with 3 pieces of banana. A wick would be inserted to the cut banana so it could be lit like a lamp. This ritual is done to the VIP of the event. I think it is a form welcoming him wading off evil spirit and giving blessings etc. I am by far the worst person to talk about rituals as I have no idea, so I could be totally wrong.
Thali – it is similar in importance as a wedding ring. It is a special type of necklace given by the groom to the bride. It has a screw at the back rather than a clasp or a hock. Hence the reason for a flock of individuals to be at the back assisting the groom. It will always be only women who would be at the back, it is an important job.
In our weddings there are many rituals that happen before and after the wedding as well. I have cut short all the rituals as they are too darn long. As per my husband this is to discourage a second marriage. 😊
Please ask away any questions you have. Nothing would be deemed offensive.
Once a upon a time there lived a new couple who migrated to a new country, after a few travels around the world in a ship. They were settling down and preparing their little nest. They had bought their first property, a two bedroom apartment. One by one furniture’s were added to upgrade the apartment. Mostly white furniture’s. ‘The lady liked the white crisp colour also she felt that there was no escape for those family members who would otherwise cover up spillages. The apartment looked spotless and modern on a fairly low budget. They owned just the one car. They both had full time jobs. The lady worked full time and studied part time. So they were busy but it was still a structured life. The man played Tennis on the Saturday. They also fitted in the shopping, entertaining or going out on the Saturday. Sunday was mainly for cleaning and cooking for the week.
One fine day they received news that they were going to have a new family member pretty soon. Not so soon, in about nine months. They were overjoyed. The man became a blithering idiot. He did not jump on a coffee table. He even forgot to hug his wife. He just started to utter random words at the doctor. He demanded the that the doctor prescribe Vitamins to his wife as she was very week. He also advised the doctor that she should organise a Cesarean as his wife was too small to be able to deliver a baby. The doctor fearing the welfare and mental state of this man, politely pointed out that there was almost nine months to discuss and plan for these concerns. She also advised him to have a cup of tea and go for a walk.
This was no movie or a dream for things to go swimmingly perfect. This was real life so not everything was going to plan. The lady also had a family history that the doctors didn’t want a repeat of. She was just thankful that she was in Australia with an amazing medical team to assist her. So after the first few months of speed bumps on the road things started to settle down with the pregnancy. Still no one was taking any chances.
So twenty seven years ago yesterday she was returning from her weekly visit to the doctors in a cab all by herself. (The man was still new in his work place, and work places were not so understanding twenty seven years ago for paternal needs, so unfortunately he could not accompany her for all her visits to the doctor). The cab driver just before dropping her off, comments “it must be pretty close now, when are you due?”, She replies ” today actually”. The cab driver didn’t want to waste anymore time chatting, he departed as quickly as he could.
She got busy after her trip to the doctors. She had to finish off the quilt she was stitching for the new arrival. The machine needle broke. She took it to her neighbors and finished the sewing project. The cot was perfect now. She had a sense emergency today. She finished the cooking just as her husband arrived home. Hubby inquired about her visit to the doctors. He asked why she had not asked to be induced and have the baby already. He could tell that she was not comfortable carrying this frontal load. She told him to eat his dinner and went on to have a shower feeling, mmm… I think not long now.
They ended up in hospital soon after. Many moons ago, many full moons ago to be precise on that day Buddha attained Nirvana. Hours passed by, the new arrival showed no urgency in his pace. Again not a dream nor a movie, this was real life, so after eighteen long hours spanning into the next day the new arrival finally makes his way out and makes known to the world with a good heartfelt scream.
Life couldn’t be any more perfect. A movie could do no justice to real life.
The white furniture’s didn’t last long after that. But life was still perfect.
Uma's life and thoughts 