It was such a relief to see dad being wheeled back. We were informed that the surgery went well. He was back in the ICU. A part of his hair was shaved and had a cone shaped bandage around the head. He was not conscious as yet. We were only allowed to peak through the window. Maybe tomorrow said the nurse. Maybe tomorrow he will walk and talk again as normal. Maybe tomorrow he will hold me and say everything’s going to be alright. Tomorrow looked so promising. Today was turning out to be better than I feared.
Tomorrow and the day after tomorrow were getting better. We were able to see dad, two people at a time with special head nets and socks. Dad would take mum and my hand and kiss it. His eyes looks welled. It was saying I love you and thank you. It may have also been to say sorry for putting you’ll through this. He looked weak, and spoke very softly. But that smile was still pretty strong. Very infectious too. It brought a smile back on my face.
I was ever so grateful to God. Cuz Sulo’s mother-in-law Paremes Mami (mami is aunty in tamil) started to take me to the temple quite regularly. I shunted between a Hindu temple, the popular St. Anthony’s Church and a Buddhist temple. I am not sure if my belief was, if I pray to god he will give my dad back or just a place and time for me to just meditate in silence. In each place the I performed the rituals without much thought, mostly followed what others were doing. But the rituals helped. I think it took me to a calmer place. Lighting a candle in the church gave me hope, touching the stone idols in the temple gave me assurance that I’ve been heard. Laying a lotus flower in front of The Buddha statue gave me peace. Now, I don’t believe that it is God’s job to look after the individual needs of each person. “why save my dad or my child just because I ask him”, I don’t think he/she would be that petty minded or vain to think that our prayers and wishes are what he answers to. But back then I wanted to believe that my prayer was going to be answered.
Things were going really great now. It is now nearly fourteen days since all the drama started. Dad was coming home tomorrow.
Cont…
Uma's life and thoughts 
Uma, I am amazed at your writing. It is so natural. Very touching and it flows from your heart. I think it is a relief for you too, to put in words what you have been having locked in your heart. You should compile this and publish it in a booklet, perhaps with pseudo names, if you wish. It sure will be an inspiration to many young and old who struggles with life’s calamities.. You are indeed a talented girl. Hugs from me
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thank you so much for such a heartfelt compliment. I have thought about publishing my other story The Dreaded “C” word. https://uma197.wordpress.com/2016/05/30/27/
but haven’t really gone ahead with it as yet. Just to leave it for the kids, mainly. I am finding writing as an outlet to deal with things, good and bad.
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a winner every time!
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thank you so much for the continued support and encouragement
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This is the most intriguing stage of human life, thinking God may have another card up in his sleeve. You have done the same thing like most human would do when they are desperate. I have done many a time. I was almost in my late 40s when I realised it was not God’s job to pull me out every time I get into trouble.
If I was there and advised you Lord Buddha never proclaimed himself as God, rather he was an atheist and you were wasting your time and energy. You would have shunted me to a corner. You would have screamed at me “ Get lost you A..H, this is not the time for you to boast your knowledge in religion.” Only what you needed was a hope, a light in a dark tunnel, or a ray of light in a thick forest.
Many a time the religious fanatics prey on people who are in your stage, vulnerable and ready to do anything to get the things straight. Luckily you had your relatives around you, who gave their shoulders to cry and console you.
Luckily I never went to this stage at the age of nineteen. I was a 32-year-old matured man with a two-year-old son when I went through the same mill. You fought for your father, but it was a fight for my life, my pride, dignity and my son’s welfare as well.
When I read what you underwent, it brought me back all the bitter experiences I had in Oslo, Norway. They were locked in my heart. They burst out flooding my brain. I felt like as if I have swollen some bitter gal. But, I still enjoy your writing specially the flow of it. The best of it, is your ability to express what you under went in words and make the readers to get their own experiences back in their brain, whether better or bitter. Bravo!!!
So many cold winter nights I sat next to fire hearth hugging my legs and burying my face between my knees praying God (Ganesha, Shiva, Murugan, nine planets … you name it) to make everything all right soon. I always believed in my prayers, thinking my prayers would be heard and next morning would be bright and new beginning. It never happened.
If God could listen to our prayers and change our destiny he would be the most corrupted creature in the whole universe. Many Hindus believe that give a milk bath to the deity or offering material things would make him pleased and in return he would shower them with pleasure and prosperity. I knew it is in vain, how ever I do respect their believes.
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Same in time, with maturity I too have learnt that bribing god is no use. If there is a god I don’t believe he would be that vein. I was young and desperate. Once again thank you so much for feedback. It is definitely doing wonders for my self confidence.
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