My first attempt at fiction. I wrote this short story (very short) awhile ago and contemplated a lot whether to post it or not. My heart goes out to all the mothers and fathers who have to bid good bye to their precious babies. My mum did it five times and my aunt the same. I don’t want to open their wounds. This may have been a product of my forlorn state after my Niece’s baby’s passing. This is not her story. But something unfortunately many women face. I have no remedies for your shattered hearts. All I can offer is a humble hug.
Wasn’t meant to be…….
“Wasn’t meant to be’… Same words, repeated over and over again. Words that you don’t want to hear any more. Empty words chanted when nothing else to say. There is nothing else to say and nothing else matters anymore. Lu sobs quietly as each person hugs. She really wants to scream. Scream out loud “WHY, WHY ME?” “WHAT DOES IT EVEN MEAN, WASN’T MEANT TO BE” She screams within, holds back her words just let’s out the tears.
It’s still raining outside. Ruby is refusing to get out of bed. “Come on Rubes, you know, mummy can’t carry you anymore”. Finally after all the “hurry ups and have you brushed your teeth” they head to school.
Mandy, Ruby’s teacher greets them at the door, “How long to go Mrs. Cavanah?” Lucille strokes her big belly, “Another five weeks and a bit”. Tommy runs in with his normal gusto and almost bumps into Lucille. “Careful” warns Mandy and pulls Tommy to aside.
Lucille heads back to her car thinking “Not long now, we will have another Tommy”, “Oh God, hope not” she chuckles to herself just remembering the cheeky boy.
It’s another ordinary day at work. Lu sneaks a moment to day dream. Sipping her tea, she gazes outside. She has a perfect view from her 14th floor office. Rain had stopped, but people were still scurrying about. “Why do we rush? “Is it so wrong to be a minute late?” Gentle thump from the belly jolts her back to the real world, to the world, where The Clock is the master and you are the slave.
She turns back to her computer, but not for long. Her phone vibrates. She smiles opening the message. Max has gone berserk again. He is wearing a St Kilda Jersey and is holding a smaller one. She texts him back “you idiot” and a smiley face. She heads back to the computer. She finds it hard to concentrate.
“Little one’s not happy today” she thinks, slowly massaging her belly. It’s nearly 3.00pm. The pain was notching up. Her boss Amanda reluctantly lets her go home early. “Privilege of a childless bitch” – Lu wanted to say it out loud. But she holds it in and utters “thank you so much”.
Lu sends Max a text, “Going home hun, not feeling great, can you pick up Ruby?” “Sure thing, you rest up” “Take care on the roads, pretty slippery out there”. “Will do, thanks”, smiley face Emoji – Lu puts her phone away, and gets ready to reverse. She sees Amanda in her rear view mirror. She had parked on the spot right behind her. Her boot is up; she was taking some files and was about to head back.
Lu reverses the car out, puts her window down and waves at Amanda. Amanda both hands full just makes a head nod. It’s not that either of them like each other, but just a mere modern day courtesy. Amanda is a typical “Career Woman” No husband and definitely no kids. She lacks empathy towards women with any family issues or that’s how her co-workers feel. Women in the department think that she is jealous of their life and hence makes them feel inferior when they have to take time off because of pregnancy or when their kids fall ill.
The pain was getting worse. Lu now starts to slowly drive off, she passes two cars, and then she stops. Couple of minutes passed and Lu’s car hadn’t moved. Amanda feels that something was up. Amanda appeared at her window and asks “what’s it Lu?”
Lu was sobbing into the steering wheel. Lu lifts her head up. She keeps crying. She sobs uncontrollably. She tries to tell something to Amanda. But words fail her, nothing coherent comes out anyway. Everything blurted out as a sob. “Lu, come on, what is it?” Amanda bends down to Lu’s shoulder level. Amanda sees the reason for Lu’s melt down. Lu was sitting in a pool of blood.
Panic, Chaos Siren, Ambulance, lonely hospital bed …..
“Wasn’t meant to be”… Same words, repeated over and over again. Words that you don’t want to hear any more. Empty words chanted when nothing else to say. There is nothing else to say and nothing else matters anymore.
*****
So near but not close enough. What’s the lesson in this? Hope, elated happiness and then snatched away without any warning, without any rhyme or reason. What is really the lesson in this? And why wasn’t it meant to be?
Oh God!! Why does it hurt so much?
Why is hurt larger than joy? Why does pain throb while happiness remains calm? And why does sadness lingers on while glee and merriment is just momentary.
There are no answers, Lu is told “wasn’t meant to be” is all you can say.
“Wasn’t meant to be”… Same words, repeated over and over again. Words that you don’t want to hear any more. Maybe empty but words nonetheless, so it’s chanted when nothing else to say. When there is nothing else to say and when nothing else matters anymore all you can say is “wasn’t meant to be”.
Or is it?
Uma's life and thoughts 