Family, Cultural beliefs, Political decisions, Relationships, Social Fairness, Inspiration, Religious (alternate) views, Agnostic Views, Humour and Just Random Thoughts. So watch out for some fireworks laced with humour
Today marks our Thirty-Four years of tug-of-war of Domestic Dominance. It has been ride like none other. We had to swim against the tide many a times. But here we are still (kind of) in tact.
To the love of my life and the pain of my daily existence,
Thank you for the past 34 years.
There hasn’t been a single day where I haven’t thought “Why me”
Then again you also make me emotional at the most unexpected times and win me right over.
You have the ability to make me think (lovingly) “how will I do without him?” and the on the same breath to sigh “What am I going to do with him”
Could you please stop doing that? Could you please let me keep my pride and anger and achieve “transformation Ganesh” (that has been a long overdue project, I may add)?
What does your report card look like?
Communication Skills – Needs improvement– attention to using more “please” and “thank you’s” in conversations needed. The speed of and willingness to say “sorry” needs to improve remarkably.
Compliance– Needs improvement. The word compliance means just that – Compliance – no questions ‘Just do it”
Comprehension – Lacking, Needs immediate attention. A starting point would be to have practices in place for better “listening”. Multi-tasking is not one of your strong fortes, so just listen – that means no TV or other distractions. Avoid “mm”.
Effort – Has shown improvement. But consistency would be appreciated. It would definitely decrease the “why me” status of your poor wife.
Overall Performance – Has a lot of potential. Has received many warnings and almost all mistakes have been repeated numerous times. But for unknown reasons has won me over year after year.
I know there is no cure for stupidity. I guess this is the key to this long-lasting marriage.
In our first humble dwelling in West Ryde – a one bedroom rented apartment.
We notched 33 years together on the 19th of Jan 2020. Time and tide waits for no one. The same way Cough, cold and the plague like flu doesn’t hold back either just because it’s your special day. I lost everything. I lost my voice and my room. I was banished to the guest room as no one wanted what I had.
We sipped a glass of Cognac sitting far apart. There were no candles or flowers. No caviar or lobster. Take away (take out) soup and dumplings adorned the table. I quietly watched my hubby through my “Vicks” laced eyes. He looked tired. He has lost most of his thick mop of hair. The pot belly has taken a permanent place and expanding gradually. That man who polished his shoes and waltzed in with dashing looks is not there anymore. He has been replaced with a tired old man. I know he needs a break. But he will stubbornly refuse.
I look down at my self. Once the non existent belly has found a few companions. They are fondly called the muffin tops. With our looks gone astray, all we have left is the love for each other.
Our 2nd dwelling in Sydney – our first purchase – a two bedroom apartment
It feels like recently we have been hit by seismic waves one after another. We need a reprieve. Each time we come to the surface it feels like some one is waiting outside to hammer us down back in again. My life partner takes the brunt of it all, without much ado.
The New year dawned for us with another uncertainty. I was determined to go through with my New Year’s eve annual party. As we get old I am becoming more aware of the fact that we are only temporary residents of this world. Life is to be lived was my motto on that day. It was hard at times to concentrate on the preparations and cooking. Still it was a good distraction. Family and friends gathered and we had a good night.
Six days later we drove to Sydney. In the height of the Bush fires we didn’t take this trip lightly. Hubby’s sister and bro-in-law were very concerned about us driving. For many reasons driving was a better option for us. However, safety comes first and we didn’t want to add to the ill fortunes that was following us.
I rang the Bush fire info authorities. These organisations mostly run by volunteers do an amazing job. They checked our route and gave us the thumbs up, also armed us with a few apps, that would indicate any fires near us, road closures etc. We also packed a few essentials in case we got blocked in. Quilt, Pillows, Water, food etc.
The weather was on our side. So on that Monday the 6th we started our two day trip to Sydney. I am glad we drove rather than fly to Sydney. It gave us time to talk, hold hands and just enjoy the presence of each other. In our busy lives this was such a luxury. And to enjoy the nature, the bare Australian out-back has it’s own charm. The iron fist grip of the drought was very evident.
Pink Lake – But not a drop of water in this lake any more.
In places we drove through thick fog of smoke. Smoke from the bush fires that were burning at least 100 Kms away. Makes you wonder what it would have been like at ground zero. We did meet a couple of fire fighters at one of our coffee stops. They looked tired and worn out. They still managed a smile for us.
It is only fitting that I write about this today on Australia day. This is a beautiful country. Sure we have bush fires, year after year. Maybe each year worse than the last. But it has not broken us yet. Sure we have the worst Prime Minister in the world (maybe that’s a bit harsh but among the one’s we’ve had, have to say he tops as the worst), but we definitely have some of the best humans in this part of the world. We are one big family. We have our differences, amongst them some quirky relatives too, but all in all we are an amazing family. We are there for each other.
When the American, Canadian and New Zealand fire fighters rocked up on our shores, I felt proud to be a human. Although we are responsible for so many vile atrocities, we are also capable of being extraordinarily amazing. Some of my friends from overseas who had snapped a picture with our local Koala posted this on facebook. All the concerned messages from friends and relatives from overseas confirmed that we were not alone in this battle.
This was not exactly a joy ride to Sydney, I do not wish divulge too much into that as it is not my story to tell. While we were there we visited a couple of friends of ours. One of whom is now on remission from bowl cancer. Another example of mistaken identity by the Kharma god. I am pretty sure he has not hurt a soul in his past 10 lives nor will he in next hundred. However, he has so far put a grand fight and at present is still the victor. The other is the carer of his wife with Dementia. She is not that much older than I am. This is the first time I have come across a younger person with this horrible decease. She was a stylish, assertive, tough career woman. Seeing her like that was very upsetting. This has made me question everything. Her hubby is doing an amazing job taking care of her. But how do you really come to terms with all this. It would be no difference to living with a stranger. There is no telling if I could become the victim as a carer or as the patient.
Life is precious. Live it today is my message.
Talking about the road trip I had veered off the track about us – hubby and me. But not exactly. This trip to Sydney, the life lessons learned has confirmed more than anything is that I love this man very much.
What we have right now is what we really have. We have to hold on tight to that. Our hopes and dreams for the future are just that. A Dream. It will only eventuate if you wake up from that dream. So realise your reality today was your dream yesterday. Enjoy it and treasure it.
After a week in Sydney we drove back to Adelaide with much lighter heart. Even when things are not great we need to be positive and be thankful that the situation is not that grave either.
Work related dramas started to evolve for hubby as we were driving back. After driving for nearly 10-11 hrs on the 2nd day of the drive we get home around 7.00pm. He unpacks the car and leaves immediately to work. Returns late and then leaves early next morning to Port Pirie – 230 kms drive. His cadet day training comes to fruition I think. We returned from Sydney on the 13th. Since then he has been to Port Pirie, Mackay and Western Australia.
How do I thank a man who tirelessly works not just for his family but also for the family of his employee. He knows as a family we are ready for him to retire. I would rather buy a few less shoes than see my man work so hard. But he is a complex man with very strong ethics. Very hard not to be proud of this man.
Since Christmas we have been eating out a lot. I could see he was so tired that all he wanted was to get two minutes of sleep. Not get dressed up to go out. So for this anniversary celebrations I wanted to make a special meal and have a quiet night at home.
But then I got attacked by something similar to the Bubonic plague. It is not a secret that my husband doesn’t posses any of the skills of Jamie Oliver. So he brings me soup each day from “Shanghai Tea House”. He will bring me enough for the next day lunch as well, then a fresh one for dinner. On the Saturday he had been working since early, he rings me around 4.30pm asking if I wanted more soup. I was feeling a bit better and I was going to help my son make the soup that night. So I said no for the soup but I was craving for a fresh Juice with a lot of ginger from Boost Juice. He asked what my son would like, if we wanted sushi (my sons and I love sushi, it’s our go to food when we are sick, hubby is not a fan of sushi). My son too gave an order for the Boost Juice but said no for the sushi as we knew the juice would be rather filling. Few hours pass by and no hubby on sight. I feel rather guilty, because I know he would be so tired after working non stop for so many days.
My hubby returns with a collection of stuff from the shops. Boost Juice at the shopping centre had closed by the time he had got there. Hence the delay. He had gone all over the place looking for another Boost juice. He had found a drive through Boost Juice. Didn’t know such a thing existed until now. Along with that he had also bought Sushi enough to feed the neighborhood, Chocolate Drumstics of two kinds and not to leave the dog out some chicken jerky for the dog as well.
I know it was not the 33.1 carat diamond ring Elizabeth Taylor received. Not even a 100 Roses Bouquet. But this man makes me tear up with just a Boost Juice. I am in love with this man today. I have been for the last 33 years. His love gestures are pretty unique. But that’s what makes him special. If I have one wish for our future, I wish we continue our lives the same way as today, with all the laughs, squabbles and simple love.
There is a possibility that hubby would be back home in two days or three. I am planning to cook up a storm tomorrow. Cakes,quiche and curries are in the do list.
I am waiting to hug and to be hugged
I am waiting like when I was nineteen
What’s wrong me with me I think, I should have enjoyed the peace and quiet
But I was waiting ..
for a phone call or a silly text
I remind myself, I am not nineteen
But I know him better now than when I was nineteen
We have been through so much and love has kept us together
Together we waited for so many things
Waiting for the pregnancy test results was nerve wrecking
Waiting for the two bundles to be born was exciting
Waiting at the house auction was nerve wrecking
But together we made all those waits worthwhile
I am waiting to see him walk through that door..
Looking slim and slender (HA!HA – I can see the pigs taking off to the air already)
With his arms wide open – Most likely it would be the dog who would get the first greeting
Kids are all grown up, the once young couple is now heading towards the mature years. It has always been the simple things in life that gets me glowing. But more so now than before. With age and life experiences comes the better appreciation for such things.
I had the most simplest of day-out’s with hubby today. But it has made my heart feel mellow and has definitely put me in a good mood. Nothing special at all about the days beginning. It started with our WIFI not working and needing a call to the telco company. Followed with ‘man of the house’s’ unwillingness to help and his wife speaking her mind. When she speaks her mind, she really speaks her mind. She doesn’t use swear words, but there may have been elements of black mail. “Ah! you cook your own dinner tonight…” for a man who stuffs up two minute noodles this is really the ultimate threat.
Well apparently he wanted to have a cup of coffee first. Once that was sorted, he wanted to bail out by going to work with the ready excuse “have reports to write”. I reminded him of the shirts that I bought, that needed to be exchanged as they were too small for him. I am going to be unavailable for sometime starting next Saturday. Thirty one years of married bliss has made the poor man incapable of choosing shirts for himself so he caved in to go shopping with me. I mean to just that one shop and then he had the rest of the day to attend to his reports.
The Jeep is his pride and joy. It’s no Maserati. but it sure gets treated as one. He likes to put on this air as a tough and ‘don’t care’ macho man. But that’s just the surface. At times he could sound rather callous too. But when you peek inside you see a sentimental mush. He is an automobiles enthusiast. None of them due to their status or luxury. Him and the boys regularly make way to car shows (well not so regularly but when ever their free time and car shows align together).
However the Jeep holds a special place in his heart, especially the wrangler type ones. He learnt to drive on a Jeep with his dad. Although the lesson only lasted the one time as the day ended up with disagreements as usual, it still holds a special place in his heart. More so than he likes to let it out. So this Jeep takes the special place in the garage while our regular cars are left to fend for themselves on the driveway, the curb or at times even the grass/lawn.
It was a nice sunny day but temperature was low enough to enjoy the day. Once again we started off with a regular squabble, “where did you keep the keys? you were the last one to drive” as usual the scapegoat was going to be me.
Yes, I was the last to take it out. As on that auspicious day I had lent my car to his work mate whose car was at the mechanic. So reluctantly he gave me the Jeep. But, but, but … I quickly remembered that I did not park it in the garage. So he was the last to drive. Got him on technicality.
Squabbles don’t last long (most times). We both laughed at each other, I was happy to prove that I was not in the wrong (as usual) and he sheepishly was trying to butter me up.
We may be past our prime but in our hearts we are the same when we first met. I am not talking about anything hot and heavy, but something as simple as holding hands still makes me feel eighteen again (well in my case nineteen, that’s when I met him).
The mirror –
Shows the grays and the wrinkles.
Shows the muffin tops that’s refusing to hide
and that one hair that peeks out of my chin
But oh mirror!
Those grays and wrinkles are of two lives who have lived. Of lives that at times had almost drowned to the bottom of the sea bed. Each one of us has taken turns to resuscitate the other and together we have surfaced up to the top by just strongly holding on to each other.
But oh mirror!
You do not know the struggles I’ve been through to get those muffin tops. Even the big tummy on my hubby, it took many years and many beers to get there. Just like Rome wasn’t built in a day. It is a sign that our lives were not just misery and doom, we made time for fun and laughter too.
And mirror!
Who gives a dime (You could replace it with a ruder a word if you wish) about a hair that peeks out of my chin. Because the most important person, that is my husband, with his diminished eye sight can’t see it anyway. So if my man doesn’t care who gives a dime anyway.
So the young couple in spite of what the mirror was telling headed happily to the shops. Friendly banter followed at the shops, the mood was so good and they decided to have a coffee.
We found this gorgeous cafe in the beach side suburb of Glenleg. Struggling with reflux I am not allowed to eat or drink anything on that menu. Decided to be a half a rebel and had a short black which later followed with ‘milanta’ (antacid). Made a date with hubby for next mothers day. So he is going to take me there for breakfast on Mothers day, May 2019. Hopefully by then I would have sorted out my reflux issues. We laughed about making a date for a year later with the waiter.
When two people are happy they infect it to those they come in contact with. So the moth and the butterfly went on spreading the pollen along the way. It was just a drive and coffee but feels like so much more. Life has been so busy lately and when you have no time and even the little time you get together becomes so precious.
I don’t want the moon, I just want to watch the moon with you.
And Oh Mirror! if you have ears and you hear us squabble. Don’t be afraid. Squabbling is our way of communicating. It is our way to show that we are both equal. It is our way to show that we don’t conform out of fear or lack of freedom. You will notice neither of us are afraid to admit wrong or defeat. We both know the value of love, life and loss. So we don’t hold a grudge and waste our time together. I know I married a mule. And I know mules can be stubborn. But, I also know, when you work the mule favorably, it’s a great animal to carry your burdens.
Here’s to more squabbles(maybe little less of them), wrinkles and gray hairs. Here’s to more simple things in life and growing old together.
I don’t want the moon, I just want to grow old together watching the moon with you.
I ponder for a subject to write about today. On cue my companion nudges me to remind me of the time, it’s dinner time. His stomach clock is better than the latest ‘Fit Bit’.
This was my first time going online and drooling over different types bodies. Some very masculine, some just petite and cute. I hadn’t decided and I didn’t know what type would suit me and my family. With that excuse I spent hours researching about different breeds. Luckily dogs don’t call you out on generalising them as per their breeds. I think that would be pure breedism (there is actually a thing called dog breed discrimination obviously – I invented breedism). I saw a comment that referred to Beagles as great landscapers. I am sure there are Beagles who don’t dig and there are other breads who may dig. Anyway I am someone who does a Phd before buying toothbrush (mmm… pity I didn’t do that when picking my husband), so I continued with my research.
I had spent days searching through websites of animal shelters, dog breeders etc, one day while at work, let’s say during my lunch break, I continued with my online perving, then I just stopped. My eyes fell on this adorable hunk of meat. His eyes, his googly eyes just hooked me right in. I rang the phone number given and said “I want him”. I rang my husband and said the same thing. It was love at first sight.
That afternoon we picked our boys from school and headed straight to meet my new guy. He was simply divine. There were others with him, they were cute too. But, my eyes did not sway. I looked at Peter, the owner and said “Yes, I want him”.
It was a hot day, a very hot day, so Peter told us that it was too hot for him to travel that day and to return next day. The forecast was cooler temps for the following day. He gave us advise on things to get ready for his arrival. But we paid for him and returned home slightly disappointed to return home empty handed. Not exactly empty handed, we took home his new bedding, his own crockery, toys, food etc.
I couldn’t sleep all night. The few times I dozed off, were filled with dreams of my little cuddly boy. The next day slowly dawned. I still had to get through the drudge of the days living responsibilities. Finally school pick up and we go straight to see Peter.
He is mine. Apparently he is ours and I have to share. Okay I will share but he is mine.
He is of mixed parents. Not sure who is who but one of them was a Pug and the other a King Charles Cavalier. He wears the wrinkles better than anyone I know. His snout is flat but not flat as a pancake as the pure pugs. His name is Mr. Galileo Ganesan and mostly referred to as Leo.
He is a Foodie. He has even tried out bird seed. He went through a lot of trouble to obtain that treat and may have been disappointed to find that it didn’t taste as good as the Kangaroo Salami that Arj (my youngest) has packed to take to Japan. Well that was really to his liking as the next day he showed interest in tasting the second pack. It was so good he even didn’t mind the wrapper or the metal clip at the bottom. He enjoys the fruits from our garden. It doesn’t bother him that the peaches have pits, he just downs it all in one go. But his personal favourite is my mum’s Sri Lankan “Hoppers”.
Loves his creature comforts. He doesn’t see the point in sleeping on the floor when you can sleep on the couch. A couch with cushions is even better. What would make it perfect would be a heat pack. These are not things we have given him, these are things that he acquires himself.
Some may refer to him as “fat”, I prefer the word “portly”, yes I think he just a bit portly. And it could be muscles and not fat?
This gorgeous thing has a serious side to him too. He came to me, at one of my darkest of times. I was on remission but then I had to go for another surgery to remove another lump. Surgery was brutal, but the recovery was even worse. I could hardly move. Once my husband and son left home, it was just him and me. He knew that I was in pain, he followed me from bed to the couch. He kept me company, he kept guard outside the bathroom door. He was my companion and he was my Protector. This surgery was 5-6 years ago. But just like that scars that remain in my body, he remembers it far too well not to guard the bathroom door. So even to date he keeps watch outside my bathroom everyday. Doesn’t like anyone coming home after a blood test with the bandaid on the inside of the elbow. He knows too well, it was a sign mum wasn’t well.
He understands packing a suitcase means someones departure. He doesn’t mind my husband packing just the hand luggage, he knows dad’s just going for business and will be back tomorrow. But big bags means big leave. He will start to mope and his eyes will droop. It will break your heart and rip your soul.
Yes, I met him online. There is truth in “love at first sight”.
He throws her on the bed, rips open her blouse… She says “Don’t stop… Please”
For those of you who started reading, because of the Heading and then you read the first line, You can’t wait to continue, nervously taking the second bite on the biscuit… Shame on you. Go back and read the Heading, it’s Fifty Strands not Fifty shades you lustful lot.
The way I understand the two words, Love and Lust is as follows:
Although both words are intertwined there is still a difference. Although both words appear as mirror images, well it is a mirror image – they look the same but one isn’t real. I am not saying Love is real and Lust isn’t. Love is real for those who want love to be real. Lust is real for those who are not in it for Love. Love and Lust can co exist, but only if Love takes Precedence.
Most of us have our own ideas of what Love is and maybe even what Lust is.
My take on what Lust isn’t..
She says “I am not ready”, and he says “I will wait” and that isn’t Lust
She says “Sorry, I don’t want to anymore” and he stops and that isn’t Lust
She’s had kids, her body is showing clear evidence of it, and he says “Honey you look beautiful” and that isn’t Lust (unless he uses that as a line)
She is in the nursing home with more than Fifty Strands of Gray Hair, she doesn’t remember anyone, not even him, but he still visits her to have breakfast with her. And that definitely isn’t Lust
He (1) is diagnosed with AIDS. He (2) stands by.
He (1) is getting frail. He (2) is still there.
He (1) and He (2) have reached more than fifty strands of gray hair
He (1) takes his last gasp. He (2) is still there, sobbing his heart out.
Was that love or Lust?
He (1) is diagnosed with Cancer. He (2) stands by.
He (1) is getting frail. He (2) is still there, cleaning up his vomit.
He (1) and He (2) have reached more than fifty strands of gray hair
He (1) takes his last gasp. He (2) is still there, sobbing his heart out.
Was that love or Lust?
For the love of God Australia, let the Gays Get Married
To My Darling (but sometimes a pain in the neck) Husband
I want to tell you a story of a “Young man with a Dandelion”.
Thirty years ago on this date, a young man (slightly dashing I might add), took a garland and then a jewellery named “Thali” and said to this rather naïve and pretty thing, “well I am your husband from this day forward”
But the story begins way before that. This said young man had apparently vowed that he was never going to get married (well that’s the story he is spinning currently, so I have to go with that)
It all changed when he tagged along with his sister to the Sri Lankan Tea fields. His sister had a friend who lived in the picturesque hill country of Sri Lanka. Couple of days of the fresh air and cups of tea somehow started to have an effect on this young man.
At the same time his sister’s friend had her own convictions. This girl avoided all advances or even a suggestion by the opposite sex. She sneered at girls who went gaga over boys. In her mind that was all a waste of time.
She had a clear plan for her life, she was not going to even contemplate boys until she was 23 or 24 of years of age (there was a method in her madness, thought it might be a distraction until she finished university). And when she was ready her suitor would be someone who was about the same age or not more than a 5 yr gap, No smokers, and only moderate drinkers were going to be even in the running. Well she had no idea that she was going to throw away all these rules just for a dandelion.
The three of them (the guy, his sister and her friend) took a pretty innocent walk down the tea fields. There must have been a change in the wind direction. Nothing else explains the rest of the events. The guy suddenly plucks a dandelion by the way side and offers it to this girl. Their eyes lock. She thinks far out it’s just a dandelion. They were laughing and talking about stupid things until then. There was no build up for this. There was no Andre’ Reiu or angels playing the harp. Just a dandelion and maybe that special look but something changed in her. Not sure what led the guy to pluck the dandelion. But according to him, she was different than others; she had somehow gnawed into his brain.
Many things happened after that, some sad and some mundane. But after two years, so 30 yrs ago their journey together began.
This dashing charming but slightly arrogant young man thought that he was marrying a beautiful young girl, who would dance to all his whims, do all his chores, and he thought he was set for the rest of his blissful life. Boy was he in for a shock. Little did he realise that this girl, who wore a nice naive smile, who looked pensive and obedient was in fact, (when prodded) was rather bull headed and was exactly like him.
In spite of the clashing horns, there was still a lot of love that kept the unity twined together. Also the Dandelion guy learnt that he was mostly wrong and even when he doubted the verdict, it was still better for his safety and well being to apologise to his wife and listen to her. So obviously they lived happily ever after. (Time to time he forgets but he soon learns his mistakes)
The girl does have a few messages for the Dandelion guy.
Thank you for the Dandelion.
Thank you for the German erasers you stole from the ship
Thank you for being there for me when my dad died
Thank you for marrying me
Thank you for caring for my mum as your own
Thank you for all the encouragement and being honestly proud of me when I was studying, you even cooked pizza for me when I got back late from College. And you hate cooking.
Thank you for giving me two beautiful kids
Thank you for always thinking about us before you
Thank you for accepting my friends as yours. Especially accepting Lalith means a heck of a lot for me.
Thank you for being there for all the highs and lows of the Westpac life. You gave me the confidence to excel and the courage to stand up.
Thank you for being the rock during my health scare.
Thank you for never doubting me and always believing in me. (Well have the same courage that I will stop at the traffic light, trust me, I am not colour blind)
Now she has some requests/ or demands
Never forget that we are a team. Lean on me when you need to. I am/ and will be always there, right beside you. All I ask in return is for you not to mix up the spoons, curry spoon in the curry and not in the rice.
Don’t forget taking care of you is kind of taking care of us. So please, take care of yourself and give me the opportunity to grow old together.
Uma's life and thoughts 