Family, Cultural beliefs, Political decisions, Relationships, Social Fairness, Inspiration, Religious (alternate) views, Agnostic Views, Humour and Just Random Thoughts. So watch out for some fireworks laced with humour
Today marks our Thirty-Four years of tug-of-war of Domestic Dominance. It has been ride like none other. We had to swim against the tide many a times. But here we are still (kind of) in tact.
To the love of my life and the pain of my daily existence,
Thank you for the past 34 years.
There hasn’t been a single day where I haven’t thought “Why me”
Then again you also make me emotional at the most unexpected times and win me right over.
You have the ability to make me think (lovingly) “how will I do without him?” and the on the same breath to sigh “What am I going to do with him”
Could you please stop doing that? Could you please let me keep my pride and anger and achieve “transformation Ganesh” (that has been a long overdue project, I may add)?
What does your report card look like?
Communication Skills – Needs improvement– attention to using more “please” and “thank you’s” in conversations needed. The speed of and willingness to say “sorry” needs to improve remarkably.
Compliance– Needs improvement. The word compliance means just that – Compliance – no questions ‘Just do it”
Comprehension – Lacking, Needs immediate attention. A starting point would be to have practices in place for better “listening”. Multi-tasking is not one of your strong fortes, so just listen – that means no TV or other distractions. Avoid “mm”.
Effort – Has shown improvement. But consistency would be appreciated. It would definitely decrease the “why me” status of your poor wife.
Overall Performance – Has a lot of potential. Has received many warnings and almost all mistakes have been repeated numerous times. But for unknown reasons has won me over year after year.
I know there is no cure for stupidity. I guess this is the key to this long-lasting marriage.
Kids are all grown up, the once young couple is now heading towards the mature years. It has always been the simple things in life that gets me glowing. But more so now than before. With age and life experiences comes the better appreciation for such things.
I had the most simplest of day-out’s with hubby today. But it has made my heart feel mellow and has definitely put me in a good mood. Nothing special at all about the days beginning. It started with our WIFI not working and needing a call to the telco company. Followed with ‘man of the house’s’ unwillingness to help and his wife speaking her mind. When she speaks her mind, she really speaks her mind. She doesn’t use swear words, but there may have been elements of black mail. “Ah! you cook your own dinner tonight…” for a man who stuffs up two minute noodles this is really the ultimate threat.
Well apparently he wanted to have a cup of coffee first. Once that was sorted, he wanted to bail out by going to work with the ready excuse “have reports to write”. I reminded him of the shirts that I bought, that needed to be exchanged as they were too small for him. I am going to be unavailable for sometime starting next Saturday. Thirty one years of married bliss has made the poor man incapable of choosing shirts for himself so he caved in to go shopping with me. I mean to just that one shop and then he had the rest of the day to attend to his reports.
The Jeep is his pride and joy. It’s no Maserati. but it sure gets treated as one. He likes to put on this air as a tough and ‘don’t care’ macho man. But that’s just the surface. At times he could sound rather callous too. But when you peek inside you see a sentimental mush. He is an automobiles enthusiast. None of them due to their status or luxury. Him and the boys regularly make way to car shows (well not so regularly but when ever their free time and car shows align together).
However the Jeep holds a special place in his heart, especially the wrangler type ones. He learnt to drive on a Jeep with his dad. Although the lesson only lasted the one time as the day ended up with disagreements as usual, it still holds a special place in his heart. More so than he likes to let it out. So this Jeep takes the special place in the garage while our regular cars are left to fend for themselves on the driveway, the curb or at times even the grass/lawn.
It was a nice sunny day but temperature was low enough to enjoy the day. Once again we started off with a regular squabble, “where did you keep the keys? you were the last one to drive” as usual the scapegoat was going to be me.
Yes, I was the last to take it out. As on that auspicious day I had lent my car to his work mate whose car was at the mechanic. So reluctantly he gave me the Jeep. But, but, but … I quickly remembered that I did not park it in the garage. So he was the last to drive. Got him on technicality.
Squabbles don’t last long (most times). We both laughed at each other, I was happy to prove that I was not in the wrong (as usual) and he sheepishly was trying to butter me up.
We may be past our prime but in our hearts we are the same when we first met. I am not talking about anything hot and heavy, but something as simple as holding hands still makes me feel eighteen again (well in my case nineteen, that’s when I met him).
The mirror –
Shows the grays and the wrinkles.
Shows the muffin tops that’s refusing to hide
and that one hair that peeks out of my chin
But oh mirror!
Those grays and wrinkles are of two lives who have lived. Of lives that at times had almost drowned to the bottom of the sea bed. Each one of us has taken turns to resuscitate the other and together we have surfaced up to the top by just strongly holding on to each other.
But oh mirror!
You do not know the struggles I’ve been through to get those muffin tops. Even the big tummy on my hubby, it took many years and many beers to get there. Just like Rome wasn’t built in a day. It is a sign that our lives were not just misery and doom, we made time for fun and laughter too.
And mirror!
Who gives a dime (You could replace it with a ruder a word if you wish) about a hair that peeks out of my chin. Because the most important person, that is my husband, with his diminished eye sight can’t see it anyway. So if my man doesn’t care who gives a dime anyway.
So the young couple in spite of what the mirror was telling headed happily to the shops. Friendly banter followed at the shops, the mood was so good and they decided to have a coffee.
We found this gorgeous cafe in the beach side suburb of Glenleg. Struggling with reflux I am not allowed to eat or drink anything on that menu. Decided to be a half a rebel and had a short black which later followed with ‘milanta’ (antacid). Made a date with hubby for next mothers day. So he is going to take me there for breakfast on Mothers day, May 2019. Hopefully by then I would have sorted out my reflux issues. We laughed about making a date for a year later with the waiter.
When two people are happy they infect it to those they come in contact with. So the moth and the butterfly went on spreading the pollen along the way. It was just a drive and coffee but feels like so much more. Life has been so busy lately and when you have no time and even the little time you get together becomes so precious.
I don’t want the moon, I just want to watch the moon with you.
And Oh Mirror! if you have ears and you hear us squabble. Don’t be afraid. Squabbling is our way of communicating. It is our way to show that we are both equal. It is our way to show that we don’t conform out of fear or lack of freedom. You will notice neither of us are afraid to admit wrong or defeat. We both know the value of love, life and loss. So we don’t hold a grudge and waste our time together. I know I married a mule. And I know mules can be stubborn. But, I also know, when you work the mule favorably, it’s a great animal to carry your burdens.
Here’s to more squabbles(maybe little less of them), wrinkles and gray hairs. Here’s to more simple things in life and growing old together.
I don’t want the moon, I just want to grow old together watching the moon with you.
To My Darling (but sometimes a pain in the neck) Husband
I want to tell you a story of a “Young man with a Dandelion”.
Thirty years ago on this date, a young man (slightly dashing I might add), took a garland and then a jewellery named “Thali” and said to this rather naïve and pretty thing, “well I am your husband from this day forward”
But the story begins way before that. This said young man had apparently vowed that he was never going to get married (well that’s the story he is spinning currently, so I have to go with that)
It all changed when he tagged along with his sister to the Sri Lankan Tea fields. His sister had a friend who lived in the picturesque hill country of Sri Lanka. Couple of days of the fresh air and cups of tea somehow started to have an effect on this young man.
At the same time his sister’s friend had her own convictions. This girl avoided all advances or even a suggestion by the opposite sex. She sneered at girls who went gaga over boys. In her mind that was all a waste of time.
She had a clear plan for her life, she was not going to even contemplate boys until she was 23 or 24 of years of age (there was a method in her madness, thought it might be a distraction until she finished university). And when she was ready her suitor would be someone who was about the same age or not more than a 5 yr gap, No smokers, and only moderate drinkers were going to be even in the running. Well she had no idea that she was going to throw away all these rules just for a dandelion.
The three of them (the guy, his sister and her friend) took a pretty innocent walk down the tea fields. There must have been a change in the wind direction. Nothing else explains the rest of the events. The guy suddenly plucks a dandelion by the way side and offers it to this girl. Their eyes lock. She thinks far out it’s just a dandelion. They were laughing and talking about stupid things until then. There was no build up for this. There was no Andre’ Reiu or angels playing the harp. Just a dandelion and maybe that special look but something changed in her. Not sure what led the guy to pluck the dandelion. But according to him, she was different than others; she had somehow gnawed into his brain.
Many things happened after that, some sad and some mundane. But after two years, so 30 yrs ago their journey together began.
This dashing charming but slightly arrogant young man thought that he was marrying a beautiful young girl, who would dance to all his whims, do all his chores, and he thought he was set for the rest of his blissful life. Boy was he in for a shock. Little did he realise that this girl, who wore a nice naive smile, who looked pensive and obedient was in fact, (when prodded) was rather bull headed and was exactly like him.
In spite of the clashing horns, there was still a lot of love that kept the unity twined together. Also the Dandelion guy learnt that he was mostly wrong and even when he doubted the verdict, it was still better for his safety and well being to apologise to his wife and listen to her. So obviously they lived happily ever after. (Time to time he forgets but he soon learns his mistakes)
The girl does have a few messages for the Dandelion guy.
Thank you for the Dandelion.
Thank you for the German erasers you stole from the ship
Thank you for being there for me when my dad died
Thank you for marrying me
Thank you for caring for my mum as your own
Thank you for all the encouragement and being honestly proud of me when I was studying, you even cooked pizza for me when I got back late from College. And you hate cooking.
Thank you for giving me two beautiful kids
Thank you for always thinking about us before you
Thank you for accepting my friends as yours. Especially accepting Lalith means a heck of a lot for me.
Thank you for being there for all the highs and lows of the Westpac life. You gave me the confidence to excel and the courage to stand up.
Thank you for being the rock during my health scare.
Thank you for never doubting me and always believing in me. (Well have the same courage that I will stop at the traffic light, trust me, I am not colour blind)
Now she has some requests/ or demands
Never forget that we are a team. Lean on me when you need to. I am/ and will be always there, right beside you. All I ask in return is for you not to mix up the spoons, curry spoon in the curry and not in the rice.
Don’t forget taking care of you is kind of taking care of us. So please, take care of yourself and give me the opportunity to grow old together.
Uma's life and thoughts 